The future is what
you make of it - and if it's anything like what you made of the rest of
your life, I'd consider buying in materials for the nuclear winter.
see more Lolcats and funny pictures
1733: The first
Masonic Grand Lodge in America is founded in Massachusetts. It remains
as the best excuse in all of America for men to avoid their wives one
night a week. 1965: President Lyndon B.
Johnson signs the Social Security Act of 1965 into law, establishing
Medicare and guaranteeing that all doctors’ offices are
jammed with annoying old people for the next five
decades. 2003: The last 'old style'
Volkswagen Beetle rolls off the assembly line. It is now the home of a
family of 6 in Guadalajara.
New York Congressman Charlie Rangel has been charged with 13 ethics violations for tax cheating, accepting illegal gifts, and defrauding the Slim Fast diet plan.
A new law will allow college students to shop around for deals on textbooks. Schools will be required to post prices for cheaper used books, ever less expensive older editions, and the highly-priced books that have never been used by everyone on the Florida State football team.
New York Congressman Charlie Rangel has been charged with 13 ethics violations for tax cheating, accepting illegal gifts, and defrauding the Slim Fast diet plan.
A new law will allow college students to shop around for deals on textbooks. Schools will be required to post prices for cheaper used books, ever less expensive older editions, and the highly-priced books that have never been used by everyone on the Florida State football team.
see more Lolcats and funny pictures
Husband
comes in after talking to his neighbor and tells his wife that he heard
the UPS man has had sex with all the women in the neighborhood except
for one. The wife looks at him and says "I bet it is that snobby bitch
Mrs. Jones down the street".
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.” The man then replies: “It's the least I can do, afterall we were married for 35 years.”
A young guy's getting ready for his wedding and his dad is helping him. While dressing, the father says," So, you're okay on the sex thing are you, son?" The guy says "Yeah, sure Dad, its all cool." " So, you're familiar with the three stages of marital sex are you?" " The three what?... Whatever, Dad, I got it covered." " No, really Son, there are three distinct stages of marital sex; there's Honeymoon sex, Holiday sex and Hallway sex." " Okay Dad, I'll bite, what's the story?" "Well, Honeymoon sex is what you'd expect - for the first while, you and your newlywed can't get enough of each other. You're goin' at it every chance you get. But as life becomes more busy, what with kids, career, bills, you enter the second stage called Holiday sex, where you kind of really only get intimate when there's a special occasion... and then finally, you reach the third stage known as Hallway sex." " Yeah, so what's that?" " Well, basically, that's where you and your wife pass each other in the hallway and say "Fuck You".
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.” The man then replies: “It's the least I can do, afterall we were married for 35 years.”
A young guy's getting ready for his wedding and his dad is helping him. While dressing, the father says," So, you're okay on the sex thing are you, son?" The guy says "Yeah, sure Dad, its all cool." " So, you're familiar with the three stages of marital sex are you?" " The three what?... Whatever, Dad, I got it covered." " No, really Son, there are three distinct stages of marital sex; there's Honeymoon sex, Holiday sex and Hallway sex." " Okay Dad, I'll bite, what's the story?" "Well, Honeymoon sex is what you'd expect - for the first while, you and your newlywed can't get enough of each other. You're goin' at it every chance you get. But as life becomes more busy, what with kids, career, bills, you enter the second stage called Holiday sex, where you kind of really only get intimate when there's a special occasion... and then finally, you reach the third stage known as Hallway sex." " Yeah, so what's that?" " Well, basically, that's where you and your wife pass each other in the hallway and say "Fuck You".